On weekends I become a baby-sitter. Not that she is a baby anymore, my daughter turned 11 a few days ago. It just seemed like yesterday that she was that little baby that barely fits in my arm and today she is telling me that I am old fashion and she wonders why I cannot appreciate Maroon 5. 'Babah, don't you think Chris Daughtry rocks?'. I' ll be damned, I don't even know if that is how you spell Daughtry. All I know is that every morning, when I am sending her to school, I am bombarded by this 'noise' she calls music. But intermittenly, there are a couple of songs that I can associate with and those seem to be her favourite songs. I surmise therefore that some of my genes did get passed down to her. She would tell me that the songs are so sad. Looks like that she is growing up to be as sentimental as me. I don't know if that is good or bad.
I am glad that sending her to school every morning takes easily half an hour. Its a half hour where I have her all to myself and I am able to 'talk' to her. A time for me to try and impart what little experience I have and more importantly, to tell and show her that I love and have not abandoned her in anyway. I have heard too many horror stories of children from broken marraiges grow up 'lost', feeling abandoned, unloved and finally reaching adulthood truly lost in an unforgiving world. Children are truly the victims of a broken marraige, therefore, I am trying very hard, even though sometimes I have to make difficult sacrifices, to make sure that my daughter grows up like any other normal child that has the love of both parents.
With such passion and committment, it makes one wonder, why even get divorced in the first place? Why don't I, just like millions of families out there, takes life's punches, grit my teeth and retain the family unit for the sake of the children? Why can't I make that ultimate sacrifice, for the sake of an innocent life? A child that never asked to be born in the first place! Is my personal well being and so called 'freedom' more important than that of this soon-to-be teenager that calls me 'babah'? After all these years, these questions still haunt me but are they indications that I regretted the divorce?
Some people may label me selfish. Others may say I am being irresponsible. There will also be those that will tag me as a hypocrite. I would nod my head and smile, but you would not see the pain inside me. The scar that still bleeds, when even lightly scratched. Underneath all those laughter and 'unsenonohness' as one blogger puts it, could anyone even hear the whimper of hurt? Society sympathises with single mothers but somehow society forgets that there are such things as 'single fathers' too.
The world is so driven by the need to win. It is so competitive and everything around us are labelled as winners or losers. It is always, the winning brand, the winning team, the number 1 as the ultimate orgasmic rush. Society benchmarks and measures things by wins and loses. The reality of Life however, can be so tangential. Its not about winning or losing, its about understanding, about coming to terms; its about being at peace! Its about living in harmony. To many, a harmonious and perfect life is where a family unit remains intact. In the eyes of society, I could not maintain mine, I destroyed the family structure. Does that make me a loser? I say NO! because in cases like mine, everybody loses . . .
6 comments:
cakaplah kat dia..Daughtry tu tak besh..young girl your age should listen to Siti Nurhaliza, SPice Girls, Avril Lavigne.,.:D
owhhh wong...terasa seyh with the unsenonohness tu :P
just treasure the golden time that u r having with her ok...and u'll be surprised how soon she grows up and i pray that she has the good quality in u.
words well said in this one...one should see one's life in a whole pespective..not in its bits n pieces i guess
Single parenthood is a stage of life. Be patient.
Most children from single parent families do well. Many factors influence how children develop in single-parent families: the parent's age, education level, and occupation; the family's income; and the family's support network of friends and extended family members. So not to worry. You're doing just fine.
Sepi,
Thank you for your kind words. One thing for sure, she sure seems so much more mature at 11 comparative to her friends at that age. She is doing well in her studies, so somewhere, I must be doing something right and my sacrifices have not been in vain. Again thank you, but the main point I am trying to make (maybe in part 2), is that everybody loses... and thats another story...
I feel sad reading this one. May be because we both almost shared the same path except in my case, I m still in the marriage for the children. But whats the point of holding on to the belief of a family unit when we both are obviously not there for each other!! The children would still suffer, I suffered! May be he suferred too! We are there but we are not there!! The only form of comunication we have is just about the children, the household, my family, his family and that's it. Nothing at all about us! Imagine doing this routine for the last 8 years or so!! I have become very good at becoming an actress in front of my kids and both families, that we are ok, we are family! But who am I kidding? Day day by day the void of emptiness gets deeper. I am actually crying while I am writing this! May be I should have done what you did, find my own path because then I would be really happy and I would be able to bring more happiness to my kids! Not that I dont now, but they deserve more!! Much as I want to protect from them from the truth, they are smarter and sensitive to their environment! I cant lie. I love them to death and would die for them!
So at some point, what you did was right!!! No point staying in a
marriage just for the sake of preserving the family unit! It just doesnt work that way anymore today! You are better off on your own so that you would be a better parent as you only concentrate on your kids and nothing else!
When I was young a lng time ago,before I got married, I told myself that at some point in my married life, I would like to sing the song "Through The Years" by Kenny Rogers for my husband. Unfortunately 14 years down this road called marriage, I still havent done so, not because I didnt want to but because it just didnt seem right!!!
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