My rantings today is potentially on a very touchy subject with a possibility of bruising many egos. In general, men are rather 'simple' people, with little or minimal ego (or so they say). They can accept a lot of bruising remarks such as they are short, they are not handsome or even they are not smart. Many can hear these disparaging remarks and smile. Many even join in the fun and laugh. Superficially, men has little ego and in general I can accept that, except when it comes to that 'touchy' subject! The 'touchy' subject I am referring to is his 'manliness'. It is all about.... Men being Men ...... Over the years the benchmark or the acceptable traits of being a Man have changed with society. It used to be that men do not cry, but now it is an acceptable norm for men to shed tears in order to show their sensitive side. Women find 'sensitive' men to be more endearing. Some so called 'manly' man refers to these 'sensitive' men as poofs. Obviously the line is still unclear with a very wide swath of grey. However, underneath all those ripples of re-definitions as to what defines a man, one bedrock perception remains unchanged, a man's 'manliness' is measured by his performance in bed (or so he thinks). For a man to be a man he has to be rock-hard at the snap of a finger and make a woman moan and scream for hours on ends.
A man's prowess in bed is his ultimate measure. How long could he last? Was he able to make his partner scream and shout and cry in ecstacy? How 'big' is he? These seems to take center stage when it comes to defining a man! Thus, begins man's ego trip, emulating John Lennon and Yoko Ono spending their honeymoon in bed for a whole month. Men would then start measuring themselves to how 'big' they are, how long they can last in bed etc. Thus begins the boasting match, that he can have sex and last for hours. To top it all he can have sex 20 times in a day. Totalling all that, he is a man-god, the sexual desire of all women in the world. Mathematically, we know its a boast as it simply cannot be achieved, have sex 20 times in a day and each one lasting for hours, wow and a double wow! Rabbits can do it though, rabbits last less than a minute but they can do it every five minutes or so. I have seen a single male rabbit easily have a harem of 10 females and be able to 'service' all 10 within the hour.
A recent Durex survey shows that sex for men on the average last 8 - 15 minutes. Obviously, this does not include foreplay. As a rule of thumb, women prefers longer foreplay and men prefers shorter foreplay. I guess women likes to flirt but men just like to 'put' it in and get it over with. For a woman, there has to be romance in love making. I remember an article which basically advocate that love making for a woman starts from the first 'hello'. Whereas for a man, it starts on the bed. There lies the discrepancy, a woman's need for romance and a man's approach of 'wham.. bam.. thank you.. ma'am'. The many journals that I read on the subject also shows that men do not have to emulate Hercules in bed, love making do not have to last for hours. It seems the average is about 30 - 45 minutes including foreplay. Actual penetration only lasting about 8 - 15 minutes. Those numbers somehow makes it less challenging and much more achievable.
However, there are a group of selfish men out there. I say selfish because all they care about is their own satisfaction, many a times leaving their partners high and dry. These are the true 'wham.. bam.. thank you.. ma'am' group. These are the men that last less than 3 minutes ( many even have pre-mature ejaculations). Note that these men do not even measure up to the average 8 - 15 minutes national average. Normally, these men also equate a kiss to foreplay. Interestingly, these are the same men that go around claiming that they are olympians in bed, doing the marathon nightly. My sympathies go to their poor partners, who had to spend more time taking off their clothes than actually 'doing it'. They were hardly warmed up before suddenly the men rolling over and snoring in no time. Based on random sampling, it was found that 80% of wives undergo this experience 80% of the time.
Why am I writing this? I am writing this as a reminder to my many friends who have just got married. Normally sex is great during the first year of marraige. I call the first year, the year of exploration. Its like a trip to the Amazon jungles, everything is so exciting, there are so many things to be explored. There are mountains to climb, valleys to loiter, warms pools to take a dip in. For the first few weeks, a simple touch would send electrical sparks all over ending with a humping session wherever it would be (including the rinse cycle on a washing machine). Sex is great, something to look forward to and enjoyed by both party. However, after that year 1 is over, when the excitement of exploration is all over and done with, where one have traverse the overall geography. Where previously tall mountains, now does not seem so tall anymore, the jungle no more as mysterious as it use to be. What use to be a jungle trek, something exciting, visiting new places and finding new things, it is now merely passing familiar grounds, seeing the same bushes, taking a dip in the same pool week in and week after. What used to be an exciting journey is becoming a mere visitation, just visiting familiar nooks and crannies. I guess this is where the yawns begin, thats its about nature's urges, its just, 'wham... bam... thank you ...ma'am'. Well, maybe the 2nd year is too early, it may be the 3rd year. It could be any year really, but the reality is that it happens and soon sex becomes a chore. It becomes the responsibility of the wife to 'open up' for the husband. It becomes a routine, sort of, a week-end matinee or to some, an obligatory 'malam jumaat'.
The situation could get worse, if somewhere along the line a baby came along. Then a lot of time and energy is spent in looking after the baby that sex becomes an additional burden for the wife. Sometimes, one cannot cease to be amaze at the expectations of men. Men expect women to clean the house, wash the clothes, iron, cook and in many instances also work and at the same time be their sex slave. The irony to it all is that after all the sacrifices a woman has to make, it all ends up with a less than 3 minutes 'wham.. bam.. thank you.. ma'am' sex. That can be so frustrating!
My advise to my brothers who have just gotten married, gotten your first child or going to get married, to never take your partner for granted. Experience tells me that sex is more enjoyable and fulfilling if your partner is enjoying it. Sex is more fun when it is not a responsibility or a chore. I may seem to be repeating myself, but you don't know how important this concept is, that sex is an act of giving and taking and not 'wham..bam.. thank you ma'am'. Today, you may totally disagree with me, that today you are having great fulfilling sex and it will last forever. If those are your thoughts, I guess you are still in your exploratory years of your marraige. Remember what I said when years later you are about to take a dip in the same pond and suddenly you find the water cold .......
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